Are you tired of being the “nice guy” who is always so relied upon but never hit on? Have you been waiting for the perfect timing to get yourself out of the “Friend Zone”? Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, self described “attraction doctor,” says that the friend zone is that area in between when a girl is all over you in terms of having you in her life, but only at the dependable platonic level. It’s a very frustrating zone. So how do you get out of it? Try any of these five ways to move from friend to boyfriend stat.
1. Renegotiate the Terms. Dr. Nicholson says that if you want to get out of the “Friend Zone,” you need to renegotiate the terms of the relationship. When you take a friendship to a new level, you aren’t extending the friendship; you are creating a new relationship. So you need to be able to negotiate the terms of the new relationship. Have you ever thought of just asking her to change the status of your relationship? Go for it; it may be exactly what she has been waiting for.
2. Stop being so interested. This is actually scientifically referred to as the “Least Interested Principle” as published by authors Waller and Hill in 1951. When you value one person more than they value you, the relationship is already imbalanced.
Try using the least interested principle to regain your power. Being less interested and less available to her will enhance your value to her, or at least, reveal to her how much she really does depend on you.
3. Make yourself scarce. It’s the simple concept of supply and demand. People don’t want what is right in front of them as much as they want something that isn’t there. Cialdini, author of “Influence: Science and Practice,” suggested the easiest way to influence someone was by using the principle of “scarcity.” It’s the same concept your mother used when she took away your favorite toy when you were bad; you wanted that toy more once it was gone, even though you weren’t even playing with it at the time. Make yourself scarce with her, and you will become more valuable to her.
4. Create some competition. It is important to be scarce and seem less interested, but these values will be enhanced if you are also able to establish some competition for her. If your friend wants you out of the friend zone and into the romantic zone, the competition will not go over well with her. When you become busy with others, your friend will become more eager for your time and attention. You can start to test this concept by using the concept of “Social Proof.” Start posting pictures on your wall of you with other “friends” of yours to see if your “friend” you are trying to create some sparks with says or does anything about it.
5. Ask your friend for a favor; get her to invest in you. A good way to gauge whether or not your friend wants to come out of the Friend Zone and into the Romantic Zone with you is to test her willingness to invest in you.
This is actually a scientific principle that was termed the Ben Franklin Effect by researchers in a 1969 issue of the Human Relations Journal. The Ben Franklin Effect revolves around getting people to invest more in you, and by so doing, you become more meaningful to them.
Women are attracted to men who mean something to them, more often than they are not. Test her willingness to leave the Friend Zone by asking her for a favor or finding a way to invest in you and your life. She may not jump into romance over night, but now she has an investment in you and will be more willing in the future. Researchers suggest that even asking her for something as simple, but intimate, as grabbing something for you from the fridge will work.
The Bottom Line:
The bottom line is that whether she is your friend or a stranger, appealing to the emotional side of her will likely work in your favor when you are trying to get out of the friend zone. But it is also important to not make yourself so available or too easy to be friends with. This makes things too comfortable, and she has no real motivation to leave the Friend Zone.
Use the Scarcity and Least Interested Principles, and sooner than later, you might be surprised to discover she is the one that makes the first pitch to renegotiate the terms of your new relationship experience.