Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Photographs in Arms FRIDAY!


Late Evening Snark: SCOTUS Star Chamber Version

“For Texas and the Supreme Courtroom, the top of summer season has meant saying goodbye to individuals’s f*cking reproductive rights. … In line with the [new Texas abortion] regulation, in the event you sue somebody and truly win your frivolous misogyny lawsuit, you might get not less than ten grand. Though you know persons are gonna be pissed when that cash solely is available in Jesus Bucks—you’ll be able to solely sue them at Pastime Foyer, and even then they’re solely good for pipe cleaners and lengthy sticks.”  
—Samantha Bee

“All I am saying is, in the event you’re accountable for one area of my physique, what sense does that make? Simply the uterus? A minimum of take the entire backside half—I need a federally-funded pedicure! Are you able to do that? After all you’ll be able to’t, you dumbf*c ks. So don’t take cost of the largest choice I am going to ever make in my entire life when you’ll be able to’t even get me a goddam pedicure!”
—Amber Ruffin on Late Evening

Continued…

You at the moment are beneath the fold. That is an ivermectin-free zone.

“It was not a enjoyable Labor Day covid-wise. The variety of new circumstances is up 300 p.c from a 12 months in the past. Dr. Fauci mentioned that if hospitals get any extra crowded, they’ll need to make some very robust decisions about who will get an ICU mattress. That selection doesn’t appear so robust to me. Vaccinated individual having a coronary heart assault: come proper on in, we’ll deal with ya. Unvaccinated man who devoured horse goo: relaxation in peace, wheezy.”
—Jimmy Kimmel

“President Biden gave a speech to stipulate his plan to curb the coronavirus. Please, get us out of this! We have been within the pandemic so lengthy that my sourdough starter simply received its learner’s allow.”
—Stephen Colbert

pic.twitter.com/Jm7UroXzRd

— The Day by day Present (@TheDailyShow) September 7, 2021

“President Biden traveled to New Jersey and New York to survey storm harm from the remnants of hurricane Ida. Then he is gonna head to Texas to look into the abortion regulation, possibly drop by Florida to get some of us to put on masks, head to California to assist with that recall mess, after which end up the week in Maine to kill these lobster zombies. Oh, did you not hear? Yeah—each state has one thing unhealthy.”
—Seth Meyers

And two years in the past this week, lest we neglect…

“Donald Trump invited the Taliban to Camp David three days earlier than 9/11. Subsequent month he is taking al Qaeda to Six Flags.”
—Jimmy Kimmel

And now, our characteristic presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, September 10, 2021

Be aware: An essential message for all horses who learn C&J: Please don’t take the Covid-19 vaccine to stop worms. I do know you’ve got learn every kind of stuff on the horseynet. However belief me, you might find yourself on the glue manufacturing facility in the event you imagine the conspiracy theories these fool anti-wormer quarter horses preserve posting. Persist with ivermectin, now conveniently out there within the drugs cupboard of any house with a Trump flag in entrance of it. (However in the event you’re a believer in vital race horse concept, you greatest simply clip-clop on by, bub.)

—Dr. Billeh, DVM-in-training by way of watching You Tube movies

By the Numbers:

Voting ends Tuesday. 

Days ’til autumn: 12

Days ’til voting ends within the California recall election: 4

P.c by which the Pfizer and Moderna Covid-19 vaccines preserve individuals 50+ out of the hospital, based on a real-life examine of 63,000 hospital visits: 90%

First-time jobless claims final week, a pointy drop from the earlier week and a brand new pandemic-era low: 310,000

Estimated quantity of electrical energy that may very well be generated by photo voltaic panels within the 12 months 2035 with out rising prices to customers, based on the Power Division: 40%

Time that NBC Nightly Information spent on Texas’s new voter suppression regulation Tuesday night time: 20 seconds

Time that NBC Nightly Information spent that very same night time on a cable TV miniseries concerning the Invoice Clinton intercourse scandal: 90 seconds

Pet Pic of the Day: Drummer pup…

CHEERS to placing in your indignant dad face. Conservatives in positions of management got greater than sufficient time to get their Covid scenario below management, and the result’s as predictable because the dawn: they sat on their palms, inspired their cultists to disregard science and gulp down extra horsey paste, and foisted the entire mess on their states’ overwhelmed docs and nurses, who at the moment are having to place up “No Emptiness” indicators exterior their ICUs and convert their Subarus into makeshift morgues. So Thursday afternoon America’s dad instructed the nation he’s tired of their shit and is laying down some new house rules:

“The Division of Labor is growing an emergency rule to require all employers with 100 or extra workers, that collectively make use of over 80 million staff, to make sure their workforces are absolutely vaccinated or present a unfavourable check not less than as soon as per week. A few of the largest firms are already requiring this: United Airways, Disney, Tyson Meals, and even Fox Information. The underside line: We’re going to guard vaccinated staff from unvaccinated co-workers. […] I’m utilizing that very same authority to cowl those that work in hospitals, house healthcare amenities, or different medical amenities—a complete of 17 million healthcare staff.

President Biden Thursday, informing anti-vaxxers and their GOP governor enablers who’s boss.

Subsequent, I’ll signal an govt order that may now require all govt department federal workers to be vaccinated—all.  And I’ve signed one other govt order that may require federal contractors to do the identical. […]

My message to unvaccinated People is that this: What extra is there to attend for? What extra do you must see? We’ve made vaccinations free, protected, and handy. The vaccine is FDA accredited. Over 200 million People have gotten not less than one shot. We’ve been affected person however our persistence is carrying skinny and your refusal has price all of us. … Let me be blunt: my plan additionally takes on elected officers and states which are undermining you and these lifesaving actions.  Proper now, native college officers try to maintain kids protected in a pandemic whereas their governor picks a combat with them and even threatens their salaries or their jobs. Speak about bullying in faculties.  If these governors received’t assist us beat the pandemic, I’ll use my energy as President to get them out of the best way.

In the event you’re taking options, sir, would possibly I counsel a sturdy bulldozer?

JEERS to That Day. Right here we’re as soon as once more, revisiting for the 20th time a type of dates in our nation’s historical past which is able to reside in infamy. However not less than the man who orchestrated it lastly met his destiny within the raid of the century (thanks, Obama), and a brand new tower stands at Floor Zero like a middle-finger salute to al Qaeda. Time to dig up the 2001 C&J time capsule and remind ourselves of some truths that every one the right-wing spinners on the earth won’t ever be capable of whitewash: 

» A lot of the 9/11 hijackers have been from Saudi Arabia, but they paid no worth for producing and harboring terrorists.

» The 8/6/01 PDB mentioned: Bin Laden determined to Strike in U.S.

» Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. 9/11 had nothing to do with Iraq.

» Sitting in a classroom for seven minutes after being instructed “America is under attack” was a poor show of management by the President of america.

NYC’s new center finger salute to al Qaeda and Taliban.

» Donald Trump did not see hundreds of Muslims in New Jersey cheering the autumn of the towers. He didn’t pay hundreds of workers out of his own pocket and he did not help clear the rubble. However he did brag about how his was now the tallest building in Manhattan after the towers got here down.

» We are going to by no means be capable of put into phrases the scope of the heroism that first responders displayed, nor the cruelty of the Republican get together that turned their backs on them after they wanted medical take care of Floor Zero-related well being points as a result of, regardless of their guarantees, the air was not advantageous.

» Rudy Giuliani constructed his anti-terrorism command heart within the World Commerce Heart towards the recommendation of consultants who knew higher.

» Giuliani was not “on the website as typically, if no more, than many of the staff.”

» The Republicans’ go-to non secular adviser, Jerry Falwell, Sr. actually mentioned: “I actually imagine that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who’re actively attempting to make that another life-style, the ACLU, Individuals For the American Manner…I level the finger of their face and say you helped this occur.” Jerry lives in Hell now, decked out in feather boas and strapped to a rotating disco ball for eternity.

» Republicans have been the primary to propagandize 9/11 in political marketing campaign advertisements.

» Osama bin Laden was not caught by Bush dead or alive. He continued making movies and plotting extra assaults till President Obama snatched him from his Pakistan porn palace.

I generally marvel how bin Laden and the 9/11 hijackers reacted after they discovered the 72 virgins they met within the afterlife had orders from Allah to beat them with footwear for eternity. We’ll by no means know. However I hope it was a Kodak second.

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

I am going to take that bubble…and that one…and that one…😂🐬💦 pic.twitter.com/1aFXQoFpx3

— Laughs Four All 🤟 (@Laughs_4_All) September 9, 2021

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

JEERS to a really unhealthy bench hotter.  Twenty-nine years in the past immediately, the Senate Judiciary Committee opened hearings on the nomination of Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Courtroom.  He was, in fact, the primary porn addict with a teabagger-activist spouse to be elevated to the nation’s highest bench. And now we even have the primary beer-chugging alleged rapist (Kavanaugh), the primary man to rule {that a} semi truck driver stranded in frigid chilly ought to freeze to dying relatively than unhook his disabled trailer and drive to get assist (Gorsuch), and the primary woman to be formally designated by her Individuals of Reward cult as a “handmaid” (Coney Barrett). Y’know, that is what I really like about this nation—our dedication to variety.

CHEERS to house vegetation. 9/11 commemorations, retrospectives, ceremonies, and “classes realized” documentaries will dominate TV this weekend, as is acceptable if overwhelming.

Sunday night time on the CW. I predict ABBA wins all of the marbles.

Aside from that, not a complete lot on the tube this weekend. The preferred house movies, new and outdated, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The massive sporting occasion this weekend is the return of NFL covid-football season. You can too try the WNBA schedule here, whereas the baseball lineup is here. (In the event you’re questioning when NHL and NBA seasons begin: October 2nd and October 19th.) And tomorrow from 3-5 NBC airs highlights of the 2020 Tokyo Paralympic Video games. Sunday night on the season premiere of 60 Minutes: a report and replace on the firefighters who responded after the assaults on 9/11. From Eight to 11 the CW airs the MTV Music Awards. And based on my TV program information—which has by no means been fallacious in over 130 years—John Oliver is airing a brand new version of final week Tonight at 11 on HBO.

Now this is your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: TBA

This Week: Sens. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) and Joe Manchin (JOEMANCHIN-WV); Surgeon Common Vivek Murthy.

Additionally: the ghost of John C. Calhoun unveils his new Allure Faculty Grasp Class video collection.

Face the Nation: Home Jan. 6 Committee member Rep. Liz Cheney (R-WY); Former CIA Deputy Director Michael Morell; Mitt Romney’s niece Ronna Romney, who can’t use her actual final title as a result of Donald Trump hates it, so she has to make use of “McDaniel” LOLOLOLOL; former FDA honcho Scott Gottlieb; Pathologist-In-Chief at Texas Youngsters’s Hospital James Versalovic.

CNN’s State of the UnionSen. Joe Manchin (BOTHSIDES-WV); Surgeon Common Murthy.

Fox GOP Speaking Factors Sunday: Didn’t see this coming: Supreme Courtroom Justice Stephen Breyer visits Wackadoo Land.

Joyful viewing.

Ten years in the past in C&J: September 10, 2011

JEERS to setting a poor instance for the okay’ids. Previous Navy received into some scorching water by cranking out billions and billions (C&Js approximation—we lowballed) of T-shirts for varsity sports activities groups that learn: Lets Go!  In response, the corporate apologized and issued a short assertion: “Oop’s.”

And only one extra…

CHEERS to a brilliant spot on an in any other case awful day. Make sure to take a second tomorrow to face Berkeley, California and shout (as required by regulation) ”Nifty nifty, Look who’s fifty!”

Birthday boy Kos laying mental waste to Chucky’s whataboutism.

Sure certainly, our malevolent benevolent kingmaker, troll slayer, gate crasher, MSNBC visitor, and running a blog pioneer Markos Moulitsas Zuniga hits the half-century mark, and we want him many blessings on his camels. On behalf of the C&J group, I received him the same old presents: a brand new star pin for his Che beret (they tarnish so quick—drives me nuts), a brand new pair of “I brake for AOC” mud flaps, and a renewal of his subscription to Fashionable Hispanic Hippie Commie Pinko Socialist Libturd Moonbat Vegetarian Election Stealing Cyclists Month-to-month. It is the least we might do. So that is what we did.

Have an awesome weekend. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about immediately?





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