Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 26, 2021
Word: If, whereas studying C&J, you expertise nausea, vomiting, lack of urge for food, or a libido that shrinks to the scale of a chickpea, please proceed. That is regular and may move after you end studying. If not, pop some horse de-worming drugs. —All The Docs
By the Numbers:
Days ’til the beginning of Rosh Hashanah: 11
Days ’til the beginning of Nationwide Courtesy Month, which is well known by everybody however Republicans: 6
% rise in Pfizer’s inventory Monday after approval of its Covid vaccine was introduced: 2.5%
Portion of Floridians polled by Quinnipiac who oppose Governor Ron DeSantis’s efforts to chop salaries for native faculty officers imposing masks mandates, and who consider native officers, not state officers, ought to resolve whether or not to impose them: 2/3
Variety of limits on what number of marijuana vegetation you’ll be able to develop and/or dispensaries you’ll be able to have in Oklahoma, making it “the Wild West of Weed,” in line with the The Denver Put up: 0
Variety of states which have extra medical marijuana sufferers per capita than Oklahoma: 0
Rank of brown, blue, and hazel amongst most typical eye colours: #1, #2, #3
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Second:
Afghanistan is to nation-building what Afghanistan is to battle—just about the final place on earth you’d select, in case you had any alternative in any respect.
I level this out to not oppose the concept, about which I feel we have now no alternative, however to underline that the duty is difficult, lengthy and extremely difficult. […] Whereas a few of us seek for the reply to the query, “Why do they hate us?” the voices on radio discuss exhibits are answering, “Who cares? Nuke ’em.” These inclined to assume that is not a nasty plan would possibly take into account the already-classic lead by Barry Bearak of The New York Instances: “If there are Individuals clamoring to bomb Afghanistan again to the Stone Age, they should know that this nation doesn’t have far to go. This can be a post-apocalyptic place of felled cities, parched land and downtrodden individuals.”
Pet Pic of the Day: Happy National Dog Day…
CHEERS to broads on the poll field. The members of the C&J family are donning their pussyhats right this moment, Women’s Equality Day, which celebrates the August 26, 1920 certification of the 19th Modification to the Structure giving ladies the correct—the RIGHT, Republicans, not the privilege, the RIGHT—to vote. Just a few years again Time journal posted an article reminding us of the loopy pre-1920 truth that ladies might run in elections regardless of not being allowed to solid a poll in them. Hundreds of girls (from no fewer than 16 completely different events) did, in actual fact, run in line with the Her Hat Was in the Ring database, and the very first seems to have been a Mainer:
[W]hen Olive Rose was elected Register of Deeds by Lincoln County in Maine in 1853, she grew to become not solely the primary girl elected within the state, however the students consider she might have additionally been the primary girl elected in the USA. In a single city, Warren, she obtained 73 votes, whereas her opponent obtained solely 4. Her itemizing within the database features a quite prescient announcement of her feat in a neighborhood newspaper article:
“Males might snigger and jeer and fume, as a lot as they please about this matter of ‘girl’s rights;’ they can’t escape the difficulty.
As positive because the indomitable barons of England wrung Magna Carta from King John at Runnymede, so will the ladies of the 19th century extort from the ‘lords of creation,’ (who’ve held them in servile dependency from the start of the world) one thing like an equal share of political and social rights. Whether or not the doctrine of ‘girl’s rights’ is within the judgment of the current technology consonant with the ‘everlasting health of issues’ or not, it’s nonetheless designed to achieve floor, and finally to prevail.”
After spending my 57 years watching how our male-centric political our bodies have behaved, I consider I can say with out hesitation: prevail more durable.
P.S. No person stated it higher:
“It was we, the individuals; not we, the white male residents; nor but we, the male residents; however we, the entire individuals, who shaped the Union … males, their rights and nothing extra; ladies, their rights and nothing much less.”
—Susan B. Anthony
CHEERS to Washington’s grasp chef. There is a motive they name the writing and passing of payments in Congress “sausage making.” It is ugly, smelly, messy and, if not dealt with delicately, it falls aside in your lap. So past calling my workforce within the Home (Chellie Pingree) and Senate (Angus King, Susan Coll….properly, okay, simply Angus King), I ignore the sausage-making course of and focus as a substitute on the precise sausage that will get put in entrance of me.
Living proof: a handful of dingleberry Dem dishwashers within the Home tried to derail each the small’ish infrastructure invoice handed by the Senate final week and the framework of President Biden’s huge $3.5 trillion New Deal II package deal. Little did they know that Speaker Nancy Pelosi has a black belt in spatula wielding, and he or she rapidly dispatched with their little tantrum, cranked up the sausage-making machine to 11, and produced this beautiful spread:
Now all of it goes over to the Senate’s sausage-making machine, the place Chef Schumer will… Like I stated, I don’t wanna know till they wheel it out on a platter.
JEERS to bringing dwelling an undesirable hitchhiker in your little sidecar. So that is the second the place we glance again at that idiotic biker rally that occurred in Sturgis, South Dakota earlier this month and say, “Advised ya so.” Sure, sufficient time has handed because the occasion attended by over half one million individuals ended, and now all these patriotic, god-fearing, widespread sense-endowed actual Individuals are coming face-to-face with the very thing they said would never happen to them as a result of they’re leather-tough:
A bit of rural South Dakota that hosted a whole bunch of 1000’s of motorbike lovers earlier this month for the Sturgis Bike Rally now has one of many sharpest rises in Covid instances wherever within the U.S.—a significant signal that this 12 months’s bike rally served as a repeat of 2020’s superspreader occasion.
Meade County has the second-sharpest rise in Covid instances of any county within the U.S. in comparison with two weeks in the past, in line with the Instances, with a 1,233% enhance in instances.
Hospitalizations have additionally surged greater than 200% within the two counties, although neither have recorded new Covid-19 deaths, which are inclined to lag behind will increase in instances and hospitalizations.
However it’s not all unhealthy information. The covid particles look completely badass of their new “MOM” tattoos.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS??? to Operation Afghan Drop. Let’s test in with President Biden as he addresses the nation dwell on the scenario within the land that, sadly, is not going to grow to be our 51st state:
“My fellow Individuals, I can announce that, attributable to our accelerated timetable, and due to the assist from our army, our civilian airways, and worldwide flight groups from around the globe, we have now now evacuated each single human being out of Afghanistan in file time. That is primary.
Quantity two: sadly, ‘each single human being’ consists of the complete Taliban. This was, to be clear, not a part of the plan. So now Abdul Ghani Baradar and his Taliban forces are at present milling across the LaGuardia Airport meals court docket. Whereas there are scattered reviews of buyer harassment across the areas of Taco Bell, Burger King, and Panda Specific, these incidents are minor and airport police stay in management. The Taliban will now be despatched again to Afghanistan within the largest such Taliban return airlift operation in American historical past.
Naturally, it is a little awkward. However as my mom, God love her, used to say: ‘Joey,’ she stated, ‘Generally stuff occurs. However you gotta mud your self off and get again on the kitchen desk and dance prefer it’s any day however Sunday. There isn’t any dancing on Sunday, Joey.’ Could God bless you, and will God shield our troops.”
And our Orange Juliuses.
JEERS to demise sticks. On August 26, 1957, the Soviet Union introduced it had efficiently examined an intercontinental ballistic missile. It obtained a B in studying, an A in math and, oddly sufficient, a C- in rocket science.
Ten years in the past in C&J: August 26, 2011
JEERS to Earthquake 2.0. Your complete world shook yesterday afternoon when Steve Jobs introduced his resignation as CEO of Apple, registering “OMG!” on the Richter Scale. He apparently needs to remain on the board and maintain his fingers within the pie, so hopefully meaning his well being hasn’t taken an ominous flip, as many suspect. However here is one thing cool to return out of (so to talk) the transition: the brand new CEO, Tim Cook dinner, would grow to be—[Cue thunderclap]—The Most Powerful Gay Man in America. I can hear it now: “Thanks for calling Apple customer support. Should you’re a traditional, live-and-let-live buyer, please press “1” and watch for an assistant. Should you’re a homophobe, please dangle up after which go fuck your self.”
And only one extra…
CHEERS to gone-but-not-forgotten comedy pioneers. The world of biting humor took it on the chin 4 years in the past as Dick Gregory made his final curtain name at 84. He was a robust philanthropist, civil rights activist, well being guru, and comic taking up racial injustice and making it his lifelong trigger. Gregory’s barbs left a mark on society, particularly again when to take action was dangerous for an African-American:
“A Klanner is a cat who will get off the bed in the midst of the night time and takes his sheet with him.”
“I by no means believed in Santa Claus as a result of I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after darkish.”
“Baseball is the one sport on the earth the place a Negro can shake a stick at a white man and it will not begin no riot.”
“Final time I used to be down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress got here as much as me and stated: ‘We do not serve coloured individuals right here.’ I stated, ‘That is all proper, I do not eat coloured individuals. Deliver me a complete fried rooster.'”
“You realize the definition of a Southern reasonable? That is a cat that’ll lynch you from a low tree.”
“I meet so many younger of us who say, ‘If I obtained to go and die in a battle at eighteen, I would like the correct to vote at eighteen.’ Don’t be no rattling idiot. You bought to die at eighteen, you higher battle to get the correct to vote at seventeen.”
One in all a sort. We’re a smaller world with out him.
Have a pleasant Thursday. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about right this moment?
As we speak’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
“The promise I make to all New Yorkers, proper right here and proper now: I’ll battle Invoice in Portland Maine like hell each single day, like I’ve at all times completed and at all times will.”