Missing an ex boyfriend is a common occurrence after a break up, even if it was you that did the dumping. While you certainly understand that, for whatever reason, you decided that the relationship had no future at the time, the feelings that you have for your ex boyfriend tend not to go away immediately just because it was you who made the break up official. Thinking to yourself “I broke up with my boyfriend and I miss him” may inevitably lead to the question, “should I contact him to tell him how I feel?”
Reminiscing The Good Times
Right now, you’re probably remembering the best qualities that your ex boyfriend possessed. Perhaps the two of you shared a favorite hobby or a very similar way of thinking that brought the two of you so close to one another. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. It’s only natural to reminisce about the best of times, because it is those instances of perceived delight that you now miss having in your life; not the bad times.
As you adjust to your new found single status, you’ll likely struggle with residual feelings of love, admiration, and respect for your ex boyfriend even if the two of you broke up on relatively terrible terms. You do this simply by placing more emphasis on his best qualities whenever he enters your mind. Just remember, the relationship wasn’t perfect, or it wouldn’t have ended. That stands to reason that your ex boyfriend wasn’t perfect either. Surely, there is as much, if not more about your ex boyfriend that you remember that was not altogether the most appealing to you, or you would have never broke up with him in the first place, right?
Was The Break Up A Mistake?
Sometimes, as you delve into the circumstances surrounding the break up of you and your ex boyfriend, you may begin to realize or feel as though it was all just a huge mistake. Maybe the two of you just said some things that, at the time, neither of you really meant. Or, perhaps your boyfriend did or said something that, after the terrible day you were already having, just set you off. Is it possible that everything just spiraled out of control from there?
Of course, figuring out exactly why you broke up with your boyfriend is a fine idea, especially if you’re considering contacting him again at this point. Analyzing a failed relationship allows you to learn from any mistakes you may have made so that you can avoid them in the future. Likewise, you need to understand both why you are really missing your ex boyfriend, and why you are even questioning whether or not you should contact him now. Look carefully at the relationship that the two of you had together to determine if you truly miss him because you are still “so in love with him” or if you are simply missing him and wanting to contact him for a lesser reason.
Should I Contact Him Or Not?
Whether or not you should contact your ex boyfriend after you broke up with him depends on several factors. If you’ve carefully reviewed the circumstances surrounding the break up, and you’ve determined that it was a mistake, that you and your ex boyfriend deserve another chance to make it work, then perhaps you should contact him. After all, you could sit around hoping that he’ll make the first attempt, but keep in mind that he is likely hurting from being rejected. He may very likely not contact you at all unless he is given at least some sign from you that you do still have feelings for him and that the door is potentially open to reconciliation.
On the other hand, you should be careful that you don’t justify contacting your ex boyfriend just to see how he is doing, or worse, to gain an ego boost for yourself. Ask yourself, “now that I broke up with my boyfriend and I miss him, could it be that I am just feeling lonely?” If so, then sadly, your only real motivation for contacting him is to get a boost in your own self-confidence. Unfortunately, not only would that be insensitive of you, considering he likely suffered a great a deal of hurt from having you reject him in the first place, but you could very well end up with the opposite result. He could ignore you completely, further damaging your ailing ego. What would be the point in that, right?
So, you see, even if you broke up with him, you should only contact your ex boyfriend after carefully considering why you’re feeling the way you are about the break up now and what your true motives for contacting him really are.