BANISH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TO THE RECYCLE BIN – NOW……..
10 Free and Realistic Tips
Before you read on to discover 10 great ways for turning YOU into the confident person you’ve always dreamed of being, remember this: You are Not Alone! Many, many people spend the best part of everyday worrying about what people think of them, thus feeding already established negative feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Such anxieties can lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair, which all become part of a vicious circle of negativity from which it is difficult – but not impossible as you will see – to break free.
Firstly you need to replace all your negative thoughts with positive ones, and to do this effectively you should Face Your Fears Head On – positively embrace them as a challenge you will win. The worst thing you can do is push them to the back of your mind where they will fester and grow to enormous proportions. Ask yourself the following questions:
a) Did you have any negative experiences when you were grow up? For example, were your parents very critical/domineering or did you grow up in an over-protective environment?
b) Did you have too much pressure from family or peers, to meet with their standards/expectations?
c) Have you ever had a boy/girlfriend or partner who continual put you down in front of others, so that you thought, “ok, so you want me to be stupid, I’ll BE stupid”, and this process eventually became second nature to you? (This happened to me over a ten year period when I was in my 20s, and had an enormous impact on me in later life.
d) Have you ever criticized or blamed yourself too harshly for past failures or disappointment?
e) Do you set yourself unrealistic goals that you cannot hope to achieve – thereby setting yourself up for certain failure?
f) Do you always see other people as being better than you?
These are just a few of the many reasons why lack of self-confidence can develop, but if you can answer “YES” to one or more of them, then you have taken the first step on your journey of self-discovery by bringing your fears out into the open and confronting them. Not all issues can be dealt with easily or quickly, but there are some things you can put into practice immediately that can – and will – work to improve your confidence.
1) FOCUS & WORK ON YOUR POSITIVE QUALITIES
You too, will have been born with natural strengths – whatever you may think to the contrary. Remember that we all have different strengths – this is what makes the world go round! – and it is impossible to expect perfection in every area of your life. I have several good, close friends who are all very different people, and each one fulfills a different need in me – For example, one is a quietly spoken girl who prefers a glass of wine and a chat at home to going out, but she is a great listener with a lot of good advice to offer, and I would probably call her first if I had a problem to talk over. Another is lively, “wacky” and the life and soul of the party who never fails to lift my spirits, so I would seek her out if I felt like a night out to cheer myself up! Do you see the picture here?
So go on, make a list of the things you have accomplished or do well, and of all your good qualities however unimportant they may seem. You may surprise yourself! For instance, do you have a nice smile that invites a spontaneous response from others?: Can you organize things?: Do you have a good memory for detail?. Write them all down on paper and read them to yourself every day. And think on this, the most successful and supremely confident people of our time mostly started out with very little in terms of wealth and/or education… Pat Mesini, speaking at a recent Entrepreneurs Bootcamp run by internet guru Andrew Reynolds, ended his talk with the words: “If I had been given much more in life I would have accomplished much less”. We could all do worse than to remember that…
2) THINK POSITIVE & YOU WILL BE POSITIVE
“Whether you think you can or can’t either way you are right!” YOU are YOU – Other People are Other People. You have to learn to like yourself and give others a chance to enjoy and respect your good qualities. Don’t be afraid to laugh off things you are no good at – really confident people have made an art form out of this, throwing off comments like “Do you know, I haven’t got a clue….!”: “It’s no use asking me anything to do with cooking, I only know horses!” or “Don’t ask me, I don’t do technical”! Pretending to know about something you don’t is like pride going before a fall – and your self confidence will ultimately take a nose dive as a result. So think positively about the things you do well and the changes you are working hard to bring about in your life, and slowly your mindset will become confident and positive also.
3) SET REALISTIC GOALS & LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
Tackle tasks that seem enormous, in bite-sized chunks that you can cope with. If you make a mistake don’t worry, remember “He who never makes a mistake never makes anything”. Be big enough to admit your mistakes, learn from them and move on. Try not to react aggressively if someone accuses you of something – even if the accusation is unfounded. Plead your case quietly and calmly, and you will gain more respect in the long run. And remember, no-one else will be lying awake all night worrying about the terrible thing you think you have done, so why should you? The way to deal with a problem often seems more obvious the next morning after a good night’s sleep. If it really is that bad, then the only thing to do is to face it with courage, deal with it the best way you can – taking advice if necessary – and come out the other side a stronger, wiser person.
4) LEARN SOMETHING NEW & DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT EVERY DAY
This will help you feel good and positive about yourself. Life rewards Effort and Input, so make an investment in your mind and heart and let it grow. The greatest thing you will ever invest in is the investment of your mind. Above all, learn the value of simplicity…You do not need to “keep up with the Jones’s” – to try to do so implies that your are envious or covetous of what they have, and while we all might look at someone we know of who has a home or a yacht in the South of France, or an expensive car, and think how lovely it would be, true envy is a negative and destructive emotion which fronts a lack of confidence/strength of character. Rather try to think how you could change your life for the better – what you could realistically achieve – then plan and work towards that goal. Read, Learn, Experience and Grow. Your path to success starts with a single step and the will and determination to succeed – do not expect it to happen overnight – Remember “Success doesn’t happen in a day but it happens daily”, therefore feed your mind daily for long-term results. “All that we are is the result of what we have thought”.
Many people who appear to have a charmed life on the surface, have their own problems which are not always obvious – why else do we read of millionaires committing suicide and/or killing their own families to boot? Everything comes with a price – and remember the higher you climb the further and harder the fall. So value what you have and don’t waste time envying others – it won’t do you or them any good!
5) EMBRACE CHANGE
Success often means stepping out of your comfort zone, and this is very good for us all. Give yourself a chance to succeed, don’t hold back. Think “I’m going up another level”. If you focus on what you want you will attract this, likewise if you continue to focus on what you lack you will attract more of the same. People will fill your head with “toxic nonsense” based on what they’ve learnt or been brought up to – they are like elevators that can raise you up or pull you down, and your task is not to get sucked in to negative news or views. So give yourself permission to grow and develop. Give different activities a chance – if you never attempt anything and avoid in engaging in social activities it’s likely your self confidence will never be rebuilt. See your life as a blank canvas – how you fill it in is up to you. This is your challenge!!
6) EAT HEALTHILY, EXERCISE AND GET ENOUGH SLEEP
All of these will improve your mood. You will feel better inside and out, and look better too – all of which will help the way you feel about yourself.
7) BE GOOD TO YOURSELF…
Dress smartly to give yourself confidence. Wear the right clothes for the right situation where called for – you will be amazed at the difference this makes to your self esteem and your ability to hold your own and make a valuable contribution.
8) COMPLIMENT OTHERS…
We all like to hear good things about ourselves, and if you give compliments to others (providing of course, that they are sincere), they will do the same for you.
9) BE YOURSELF
Don’t copy or imitate. Why should you want to be like everyone else? Different is interesting – and deep down people will respect that in you. The temptation is always to do what we think others expect, therefore we try to be something we are not. Inevitably this will lead to a lack of self confidence because of the element of falseness.
This will always help to fight off feelings of negativity as it will instantly lift your spirits and result in a positive response from those around you. Try it now, today…look someone in the eye, give them a lovely smile and see the response. How much better will this make you feel! So nurture your quality of spirit, because you are as important and have as much right to be here as anybody. In the words of the founder of the Phyllis Tuckwell Hospice: “You matter because of who you are, and you matter to the last day of your life”. Think of this and walk tall…