If you experience something (female orgasm in this case) that is significant, you are motivated to compare notes with others. You want to reassure others, with similar experience, that they are not alone. This has been my prime motivation for writing about sexuality. Realising that the experience is rare, I have attempted to be as explicit as possible. I decided that providing a detailed account was the only way to differentiate myself from all the fictional stories about women’s supposed responsiveness.
In the beginning I hoped that someone would join me or support me. I thought that sexually experienced women, perhaps lesbians or prostitutes would have something to say. Most people are simply not motivated by this topic. There’s no money in it and most people have to earn a living. I am motivated regardless of the money (which would of course be nice!) or the lack of support. I am ever hopeful that one day others may contribute. The advantage of being outside medical and research bodies is that I am independent. I cannot be silenced through political pressure. I have a unique position where I can ask unpopular questions and discuss the topic without the threat of censure. This is vital for the work that I need to do.
Various factors have come together to make me the right person to do this:
(1) I am a responsive woman (evidently this is very rare);
(2) I am attractive enough to be credible in our society as a ‘sexual’ woman;
(3) I have had a communicative and adventurous sexual relationship;
(4) My partner has been willing to allow me to talk about our sex life;
(5) I have had the benefit of the internet to publicise my work;
(6) My partner has had the technology skills to support my websites;
(7) I have had the time and financial resources to work for nothing;
(8) I am a graduate: I know how to study, I am analytical and organised;
(9) I have a maths degree so I understand the value & pitfalls of statistics;
(10) I have the strength of character to persevere and I don’t care what other people think.
I have gradually assumed a position of authority on sexuality because I have never met anyone else who can talk about the topic in the explicit and objective way that I think is necessary. I have made my experiences and conclusions as widely available as possible to reach as many people as possible. I have accepted that I just need to say what has to be said because I am the only person who appears to have the motivation to put the picture straight. My conclusions are not gospel. They are deductions I believe to be valid after many years of researching the topic. I am driven by a desire to correct the sexual ignorance that I have had to face, which has made finding answers much more embarrassing than it needed to be. It should be a basic right for everyone to have access to unbiased sex information. No one can benefit from truths they are not ready to hear. The information I provide is for those who appreciate it because they are looking for answers.
I grew up with an interest in science. I wasn’t especially good at it but the ideas fascinated me. One of the issues that I understood to be core to science was the concept of a proof. A theory is proposed on the basis of either strong evidence or logic. Then scientists spend years debating and challenging this theory until the weight of supporting evidence means the theory becomes part of accepted scientific knowledge. This does not happen in sexology. Many papers are written in such incomprehensible language that no one outside the community of sexologists can understand them. There is no organisation that disseminates reputable sex information nor is there a comprehensive account of our sexuality.
I hope that my work will be an inspiration to others to ensure that our understanding of sexuality is based on behaviours and biological precedents rather than what people hope to be true. ‘Learn About Sexuality’ is one woman’s attempt to provide sex information that is factual, logical and backed by research findings. Perhaps in future professionals in the fields of medicine and sexual health will be motivated to contribute to a database of knowledge that is respected as an authority on the topic. I hope in the future that my work will be continued by others. It is vitally important, amid all the fiction and pornography, that thinking adults can find a reliable source of reputable sex education. It is vital that there are people who are willing to challenge new developments. All too easily people are led into sexual ignorance by the attraction of sensationalism. There needs to be a solid structure to the information that is presented. This information needs to build a consistent picture and to be free of contradictions. There needs to be a clear distinction between what is commonly presented in pornography and erotic fiction and what is accepted as an academic and thoroughly researched account of sexuality.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt. (Bertrand Russell 1872-1970)