Yahoo Serious

There once lived a man so ingenious, so dashing, so incredibly awe inspiring that he disappeared off the face of the earth altogether. He made a run for Hollywood fifteen years ago and his name was Yahoo Serious. His name recently came up in friendly conversation and the response was: Yahoo Who? I was beside myself. I have thrown together a little work up on the man in an effort to spread the word. With any luck, you will check him out and enjoy what dozens have fans have been enjoying for years.

Yahoo dwelled from a far away mysterious and magical land. Lets call it–Australia. No one knows very much about Australia aside from their affinity for fighting crocodiles and their hefty past criminal record. After being expelled from art school for “trying to expand too many minds,” he began using his artistic talents to create his own traveling brand of absurdist comedy. His early shows in 1980s were characterized as “similar to watching someone have a repeated full blown seizure.”

While this was occurring down under, there was what scientists call a “level five Australian Craze” back in the States. Much like the Latin craze of recent years, Americans couldn’t get enough of those croc wrestlers. The scene was ripe for Serious, with acts like Men at Work and Foster’s beer enjoying immense questionable success. Warner Brothers who were a tad drunk off their success of Crocodile Dundee II approved a deal for Yahoo Serious to write, star, and direct in his first film. He is the first Australian to actually do that in a major motion picture, which paved the road for hack Mel Gibson’s first crusade against the British in Braveheart (1995). Yahoo did it first!

His first movie came to him while he was contemplating the effect of nuclear magnetic resonance on electric guitars. One year later, Young Einstein (1989) was born. Yahoo portrayed…well a young Einstein during his formative years. Yahoo portrays a different side of the German physicist. One that is more inclined to solve the mysteries of flat beer than the universe. Somewhere along the way he discovers relativity and Rock n’ Roll, much to the chagrin of various “squares”. Yahoo’s equation of beer and Rock n’ Roll easily equaled him a solid box office draw earning such accolades as, “one of the least-funny pieces of tomfoolery ever made.” Serious had also used the movie to test a personal theory of his involving the extraordinary disarming capabilities of a D power chord on a nuclear bomb. While the movie supports his claims, he is still under investigation by physicists around the globe.

The mass success of Young Einstein guaranteed Serious another movie. Yahoo also had the privilege of joining the ranks of Ayatollah Khomeini, Anne Frank, and V.I. Lenin when he was featured on Time Magazine in 1989. Serious gave himself five years to produce a sequel, banking that his Hollywood fame would be everlasting. Reckless Kelly (1993) his follow-up proved to be allergic to box office success. Apparently, an Australian Robin Hood on a motorcycle wreaking havoc on the British doesn’t in fact equal box office “gold.” Not in America at least. Beating up the British was eventually perfected for American audiences by fellow Australian Mel Gibson (Braveheart and The Patriot). Yahoo Serious was whooping British ass before it was cool. . The official Yahoo Serious website claims, “It [Reckless Kelly] was the most popular film at the Australian box office on its release during Easter 1993.” To be fair its sole competition in the Australian box office that year consisted of Weekend at Bernie’s II and the animated film Bébé’s Kids. Australians for one reason or another can’t get enough of little rambunctious children. As a side note, Bébé’s Kids was recently made into a feature film starring Ice Cube entitled Are We There Yet. It currently holds the Australian box office record. Reckless Kelly, however, failed internationally despite Serious’ trademark physical antics.

Reckless Kelly’s crapbomb at the box office sent Serious into seclusion for seven years until he emerged with his third and final picture, Mr. Accident (2000). A smart little ditty about the most accident prone man in the world….the world I say! This also proved to be a time in which Crocodile Dundee was starring in his latest escapade in Los Angeles. Could this be the Australian comeback that everyone was waiting for? Honestly, no not at all. The critics weren’t very kind this time around stating, “Yahoo Serious seems to most resemble Carrot Top — only without the wit” and “Yahoo Serious is back. So is that acidic bile taste at the back of your throat.” This further proves the fact that Australians will never be popular again. Sorry.

So where does a misunderstood genius go when no one will have him? To court! Serious sued Yahoo Inc. for infringing upon his good name. Yahoo Inc. owns a little hole in the wall website known as, if you weren’t aware. He contended that his international fame was more associated with the word “Yahoo” then their petty insignificant website. He was beaten unmercifully in court and now owes royalties to Yahoo Inc. if he attempts to make any money off of his good name in the future. Not to be discouraged, Yahoo immediately issued another lawsuit against one-time platinum selling artist Jermaine Jackson for the rights to the phrase, “Lets Get Serious.” After a lengthy court battle it was ruled for Serious to remain 1,000 feet away from Mr. Jackson’s house at all times. It was then and only then that Yahoo….disappeared.

While neither a major success in the movies or the courtroom, Yahoo has earned a place in many people’s hearts. He was a pioneer and for that he was ran out of Hollywood. He paved the road for your precious Orlando Blooms, Hugh Jackmans, and yes your beloved Jesus infatuated Mel Gibsons. Currently you may purchase all three of Yahoo Serious’s movies in a DVD-box set for one million yen or three American dollars at your local video store. So if you are unaware of this man’s work, do yourself a favor and check it out. The Yahoo Serious Street Team is always looking for new members. With enough support, Yahoo may one day rise again.

Source by Jonathan Smith

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